If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
