hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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