she was so not down for the gang bang
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
