Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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