There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this is an emotional support booty call
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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