if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
