We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
