your room smells of hookers.
And success
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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