i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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