Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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