is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
