My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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