Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
