Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Two words: blizzard sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize