3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I skipped work to stalk him.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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