she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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