I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize