You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
