It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize