I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
