It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
