Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
