return my video game
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my poor anus
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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