i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
