Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize