We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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