Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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