I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
