he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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