from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
