Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
