Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
