that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
