I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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