My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
