If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
