My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
