census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
