it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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