Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
whose parrot is this?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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