dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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