He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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