I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
