So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
