Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
