I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
