my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize