checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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