I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
