Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
