I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
