Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
