We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
