never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
