Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
