Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You need Xanax blowdarts
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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