I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
