There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
