:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
