well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
