As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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