just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
