I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
