The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
