and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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