I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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